Aimless Wandering

I'll begin by saying, I don't know what to say. I'm in my room, one of my good friends, is lying on my bed with his head perched on my stuffed scooby. He's telling me about his life and his love. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy that he's found someone really nice, but sad because it is a long distance relationship. I look at where I am now and I wonder... where can I go from here? It seems that my head shifts from image to image of the ideal girl, and it's definitely difficult here in college. I don't believe in the hook-up culture. I believe in meaningful relationships. However, many of us take for granted the "friend" part of boyfriend/girlfriend and fail to realize the disastrous results of failing to uphold that aspect: hooking up. I do not disagree with physical commitment, but without friendship it seems shallow and at times kind of careless or desperate. It seems my own personal issue is that I'm very good with the friend part, but after that, it's hard for me to move into the transition of boyfriend/girlfriend, because I've tried so hard to create this friendship that it seems inevitably the friendship disappears along with the physical once the relationship is cut off. Rambling. I believe that once I do get past this step, this middle boundary, it's fine. However, it's a difficult path to trek.

And Marvel Nemesis... the shallow fighter with a 50% fun factor only when you're drunk, I don't have much to say about it. I still eagerly await Ultimate Spider-man.

Cat Food, Crazy Dancing, and Corpse Bride

By all means, I should do my art history reading that I have indeed put off for way too long, but I need to tell this story. This past weekend I had the pleasure to tryout for UJIMA. They are a dance group on campus. Me and my friend put together a little routine and altogether it was just really fun. Unbeknownst to me, I accepted the invitation after I got in, because I didn't know that I would be trying out for SHEBA (the other very popular dance group on campus named after catfood). My friend dragged me into it, we both got called back and history was made. Now the day SHEBA told me I got in was an amazing experience. I'm sitting in front of my computer obsessively checking blitz (Dartmouth's mailing system) and after being very tired of waiting.... a good friend of mine from SHEBA comes and tells me she has to talk. She takes me to the second floor, and explains how I didn't get in and how she came personally to tell us (me and this other girl that tried out) how much they loved us... and that we should try out next term or year. After the sad news, we heard people yelling and screaming. Before we knew it, we were in SHEBA with brand new sweatshirts, baloons, hugs, and catfood. It was amazing sure... but then the dilemma came into play. How was I going to be able to choose between these two groups. On one side, I really felt a family and a place I could belong. Not to mention my hero who admire very much was in SHEBA. Or... go to the dance group where my friends were. Ultimately, I chose SHEBA, but it was a difficult decision. At one point I even thought about trying both, but that would involve Tang Soo Do (a martial arts) from 5 to 7, UJIMA from 7 to 9, and SHEBA from 9 to 11... which is clearly suicidal. So yeah... apart from being really sore and sad... I'm generally satisfied with my decision.

Very recently I saw Corpse Bride. It was a very simply story with very simple characters. The only thing that truly impressed me was the animation but I walked away from the theater satisfied. I feel that it was definitely better than the recent Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... but I feel that Tim Burton and Daniel Elfman have not been as hot as they usually are. However, the music was definitely another highpoint of the film. I've also decided that there's this girl I like. But this is the internet and therefore not private, so I will not disclose any information. Laterz!

Emotional Rollercoaster

So a lot has happened this week. School has started, I've seen all my friends and I've met lots of new people. However, I feel emotionally drain. I guess we'll start backwards starting now and going back in time (in a sense). I'm kinda urked because I want my games, but the order is just not working out. I thought I would at least like my sculpture class, I don't. I'm looking forward to arabic tomorrow though. That's only because my teacher has funny mannerisms, but the class overall is kinda intense because we only speak arabic. For the first class I understood about 30% of what he said. And my art history course has more than enough reading to keep me busy for the next decade. That aside though, the people are great. My floor is building that sense of community since classes started. My staff is greater and wierder than ever. My friends make me happy. I've actually haven't talked with my family a lot. I guess I regret that, I'm just so busy. I don't even have time for blogs anymore. I will call them right after this. I really enjoy my philosophical conversations, but they just really brought me to the realization that my identity issue really bothers me. All the times it was brought I felt like instantly bursting to tears. I'll explain what my identity issue is in detail at a later date, but for now, there are three identities... African, Black, and African American, and I fall into none. It does bother me, no matter how well I've suppressed it before. I need a break, a time of just of fun for a whole day. I just feel slightly overwhelmed, not so much physically or mentally... but emotionally. I can't wait for smallville today though, maybe that'll change my mood to a more stable constant happiness.

The Folly of the People Pleaser

So what do you do when people are performing skits, and the next skit is not prepared: DON'T tell a joke. Now, I like to consider myself kinda introverted and not too much outgoing. That's who I am. So it's kinda hard to put myself out there. Everytime I do, my main concern is, will people like me. Now I know, this is no way to think... but it really does bother me if people are not genuinely pleased with who I am. And I know, that people ARE generally pleased, but still, telling a joke to a community that instantly reacts negatively is like a huge stab to the gut. Now I understand why it happened, and I definitely learned from this experience. Another thing is that people will probably not remember it. However, as of today, I'm feeling really down from this and like most things I just feel the need to vocalize. And taking an emotions class, I don't want to tire people out because sympathy is not free rain. It's best given in doses, and a general rule is not to go out and constantly seek it. So this is just a vent really. On the flip side, "behind closed doors" was very kool today and was not what I was expecting. It was actually what gave me the high energy and positiveness to act like a complete idiot. It was just so much more down to earth and cooler, and more realistic. I really appreciated it. Well today is the last day of training. Tomorrow orientation begins. I'm excited. So although I'm a little bummed out, I'm totally going to try to be positive.... cuz badditude is umm... bad. Anyways, off to relax a little. Later.

DARTMOUTH! WOO!

So I was definitely excited getting here. I was even more excited meeting my Undergraduate Advisor (UGA) Staff. They're like ice-cream, except warmer. However, UGA training... not so much. You see, it's informative psychological mumbo jumbo that is crammed into unbearable time schedules. So despite training, we're still expected to make door decorations and other stuff for our floors. Let's just say I've lost sleep and I must work hard to regain it. There has been some fun stuff. I really enjoyed the rope's course. I wasn't too much of a fan of 'behind closed doors' which placed actors behind closed doors and had them act out scenerios while we were the UGA. Certain scenerios were relentless and unforgiving while other were fairly simple. However, these were the easy ones. I've met a lot of my residents which is really exciting and they all look like a bunch of good kids. I can't wait to start programs and get to know each of them. I'm excited about seeing old friends, I've seen a lot already and I just can't wait to see more. I've also met a lot of new people in general because of UGA training, so that was good. So that's my life right now, no sleep, lots of work, but some fun. I don't mind it. Hopefully when things settle down, I'll have time to decorate my room.

On a side note, I'm really excited about Ultimate Spider-man The Game, because Wolverine has just been officially confirmed as a boss and that's exciting. Well, laterz!

Responsibility of the Wise Child

"With great power comes great responsibility." I do not like Spider-man only because he wears tights, swings around New York, and has awesome spider abilities. I like Spider-man because he struggles with the one thing that I hate to struggle with: responsibility. And everyone, has to deal with their own responsibility, it's the way life works. And even in this early stage in my life I have way too many responsibilities. I shall work. As a reminder for myself, I would like to say that I had another conversation with my father. This one, was about life in general and you guessed it, responsibility. In the past week I have learned two very important lessons (lessons which I ofcourse knew, but this week strengthened my knowledge): Honor your parents. This is very important. Honor your parents, respect them, and appreciate them. I still believe that love is more important than wisdom... but parents have the wisdom and part of their love is leaving that wisdom with you. Love is a but a flame... and the dimmest flame burns. I am glad that the intensity of love my parents have for me rivals that of a thousand suns. The second is that igorance is not bliss, but darkness. Ultimate knowledge is not power, but weakness. And as in everything else in life... the key to immortality of the mind is balance... and in balance, we find light. What is immortality of the mind? I shall explain on a later date. I am very excited to leave tomorrow and eventually get to Dartmouth. It's going to be amazing. So for now, let me say that Ultimate Spider-man (the game) is gonna so rock! Venom's gameplay footage was amazing. And... that's it. Time to go continue being a kid. Growing up is coming and coming fast.