And now I feel rested...
Oh quite the contrary. In fact, I did.
I'm going to cheat and take bits and pieces of an e-mail (i love abridged versions of thoughts). And then I won't explain how I got back to feeling the way I was as if nothing ever happened, but much did.
i had a dream that i went to a place that was beautiful and magical, and it cured me of my fears. this place was yellow and golden. it was kind of like staring into the sun and not getting blind. when i woke up, i knew for some reason i had to go to dartmouth. i didn't know why, but it felt like the right thing to do. so this weekend i went.
but instead of being caught up with the ghosts of my past, i treated this weekend as a time of new experiences. i was going to go, work on my story and get away from it all.
THE GIFT
i think a part of me always wanted to get to know her and to share that moment with her was unreal. it was honest, and the best gift i could have given someone. i finally felt as if i passed the torch.
THE RITE OF PASSAGE
oh how we were connected. that common thread. being connected by our spirituality and that understanding brought a great calm in my heart. i always knew i made the right decision but sitting across from his story and learning about his life, makes me infinitely proud. everyone is on their personal journey.
LIVE YOUR LIFE
i guess a part of me always wondered if i said anything if it would have changed things. and talking to each of them. nothing really would have changed. i knew this, but not really. i had to let them live their lives, make their own decisions. it was not my responsibility. and seeing them do well and be happy, made me realize i was definitely in no place to do that.
HEARTS
perhaps the biggest ghost i refused to deal with were my relationships. the overwhelming sense of guilt, the wondering if things would ever be normal between us. wondering if i would ever get a chance to say goodbye. thinking if i had done things differently, taken more risks, would i have liked myself. and all those fears and insecurities were washed away.
a) i got my goodbye
b) it was a great moment to revisit the things that made me like her so much.
c) the hug we had was reminscent of two years ago (when there was nothing between us... just good friends) and it suddenly made me feel forgiven.
AND THERE'S MORE
Running into my old residents, playing soccer on the green, meeting the newbies, dancing and writing, learning choreo, eating at the new yamas, meeting new people. dartmouth felt magical and beautiful again. i am not afraid of ghosts anymore.
I'm going to cheat and take bits and pieces of an e-mail (i love abridged versions of thoughts). And then I won't explain how I got back to feeling the way I was as if nothing ever happened, but much did.
i had a dream that i went to a place that was beautiful and magical, and it cured me of my fears. this place was yellow and golden. it was kind of like staring into the sun and not getting blind. when i woke up, i knew for some reason i had to go to dartmouth. i didn't know why, but it felt like the right thing to do. so this weekend i went.
but instead of being caught up with the ghosts of my past, i treated this weekend as a time of new experiences. i was going to go, work on my story and get away from it all.
THE GIFT
i think a part of me always wanted to get to know her and to share that moment with her was unreal. it was honest, and the best gift i could have given someone. i finally felt as if i passed the torch.
THE RITE OF PASSAGE
oh how we were connected. that common thread. being connected by our spirituality and that understanding brought a great calm in my heart. i always knew i made the right decision but sitting across from his story and learning about his life, makes me infinitely proud. everyone is on their personal journey.
LIVE YOUR LIFE
i guess a part of me always wondered if i said anything if it would have changed things. and talking to each of them. nothing really would have changed. i knew this, but not really. i had to let them live their lives, make their own decisions. it was not my responsibility. and seeing them do well and be happy, made me realize i was definitely in no place to do that.
HEARTS
perhaps the biggest ghost i refused to deal with were my relationships. the overwhelming sense of guilt, the wondering if things would ever be normal between us. wondering if i would ever get a chance to say goodbye. thinking if i had done things differently, taken more risks, would i have liked myself. and all those fears and insecurities were washed away.
a) i got my goodbye
b) it was a great moment to revisit the things that made me like her so much.
c) the hug we had was reminscent of two years ago (when there was nothing between us... just good friends) and it suddenly made me feel forgiven.
AND THERE'S MORE
Running into my old residents, playing soccer on the green, meeting the newbies, dancing and writing, learning choreo, eating at the new yamas, meeting new people. dartmouth felt magical and beautiful again. i am not afraid of ghosts anymore.
posted by Aceun at
9:05 PM
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1 comments
