Paradox of Desire

I am ready. It is time to go home. Yet I don't want to. I just want work to be finished. I have so much between now and tuesday, and honestly look at this. I'm frickin' blogging. What the hell. I want it to be finished so I can have time to be with people I won't see for the longest time. The Dartmouth Plan. That's what they call it. Every year, friends, lovers, acquaintances, go months without seeing each other only because some people go abroad, some people get internships, and some are just off some terms because you have to be off some time if you're going to be there for sophomore summer, and everyone is there sophomore summer. It's the life here. I don't need any of this, any of these relationships. But I do want it.

And that... that's important to me. Human beings want each other. I mean you need to have someone in your life, but sometimes it's enough to just want it. I mean what's wrong with wanting that. What's wrong with being comfortable? What's wrong with being stable? I do not advocate it always, but sometimes too much chaos is just too much. Stability. There's nothing wrong with wanting it. Am I a coward for believing this, maybe. But if you recall it was the cowardly lion that was brave at the end. It was the heartless that found their heart, the simple minded that created the perfect plan. Sometimes cowardice is the root of bravery. Sometimes stability is the root for spontaneity. Sometimes, I want to be crazy. Other times I want to be calm. What's the difference between an adult and a kid. A kid fears responsibility and an adult understands it. So why can't I be both. Why can't I want stability and still ultimately desire risks. Why can't I want something knowing very well I might not need it. I think it's better than just telling yourself you need it. You don't. But there's nothing wrong with wanting it. We don't need to be human, but I hold the strong hope in my heart that we really want to.

The New Artist

Medicine is evil, because people become dependant on it and I have a personal story related to that, but I will not share, because (a. i'm rambling) and (b.) I promised these blogs won't be as personal. Anyways... this blog has nothing to do with that and now I will begin to ramble about my new appreciation of poetry. I consider myself an artist in many ways (and no, not like your stereotypical 'life is pain' artist with a dead pan voice, long hair, and a scarf... but a revolutionary artist of sorts, a new artist). So I sing, I dance, I draw, etc, etc, etc, whatever... but then I realized I loved words, and I loved the way they sound. And fiction is great, but honestly, you cannot play with words. And then... then I discovered poetry. Now poetry, well, let's put it this way, I thought poetry was for the stereotypical artist. Poems were an effort to put all their suicidal feelings and existential philosophical views into words people could relate to (though I don't see why anyone would want to relate)... but I realized there's so much more to poetry. It's not a simple excuse to make things rhyme, to relay your deep personal feelings, but it's also an opportunity to really play on words. Playing with the structure (and that's the word that fascinates me the most... structure) allows you to create something interesting, that's fun to read, and fun to hear. And so I guess I'll start writing poetry now, it actually takes skill. A lot more skill than I realized. And besides, it's just another thing to add to my laundry list of performance skills. Perhaps I'll pick up instrument playing, drums are nice.

The Roses Move Too Quickly

Alohalo!

Guess who's back with a brand new rap. Yeah, me. It seems that everything I accomplish recently I cannot stop to appreciate because I got the next big thing. Let's backtrack a bit shall we... not too far, we don't want to go too far. So I'm seeing this girl (yes I said I'm seeing this girl, big whoop, wanna fight about it?), and I wish I had time to appreciate that but I was focused on getting my animation done (just the drawings). Next I won a TV/DVD combo. Who the hell plays bingo and wins TV/DVD combo??? But I did, and I won, but I threw that to the side to finish coloring. And yes! Coloring finished, the festival happens (it was amazing by the way, our class is so talented) and I couldn't even appreciate that because I had to finish my portfolio. And now I had a day off. I just decided, everything needed to stand still. And I stood still and enjoyed life, that's what it's all about, stopping to smell the roses. Yet, how can when they move at mach speed. Well, only time will tell.