Paradox of Desire

I am ready. It is time to go home. Yet I don't want to. I just want work to be finished. I have so much between now and tuesday, and honestly look at this. I'm frickin' blogging. What the hell. I want it to be finished so I can have time to be with people I won't see for the longest time. The Dartmouth Plan. That's what they call it. Every year, friends, lovers, acquaintances, go months without seeing each other only because some people go abroad, some people get internships, and some are just off some terms because you have to be off some time if you're going to be there for sophomore summer, and everyone is there sophomore summer. It's the life here. I don't need any of this, any of these relationships. But I do want it.

And that... that's important to me. Human beings want each other. I mean you need to have someone in your life, but sometimes it's enough to just want it. I mean what's wrong with wanting that. What's wrong with being comfortable? What's wrong with being stable? I do not advocate it always, but sometimes too much chaos is just too much. Stability. There's nothing wrong with wanting it. Am I a coward for believing this, maybe. But if you recall it was the cowardly lion that was brave at the end. It was the heartless that found their heart, the simple minded that created the perfect plan. Sometimes cowardice is the root of bravery. Sometimes stability is the root for spontaneity. Sometimes, I want to be crazy. Other times I want to be calm. What's the difference between an adult and a kid. A kid fears responsibility and an adult understands it. So why can't I be both. Why can't I want stability and still ultimately desire risks. Why can't I want something knowing very well I might not need it. I think it's better than just telling yourself you need it. You don't. But there's nothing wrong with wanting it. We don't need to be human, but I hold the strong hope in my heart that we really want to.