Finishing Last

Why is it 4:00am? Because I'm a good friend, a selfless human being, hell-bent on being so nice, that I wouldn't be surprised if the tortoise beat me in this race. Love's ladder has once again left me below the final step wishing somehow, someway, I will one day be able to climb. Yet I'm so wrapped up in the friend aspect, that I feel myself moving farther away from the physical and losing in the race because of it. It's a race. It's a blood-pumping, high adrenaline mad dash for victory, and I feel content because I've found 'stability' but saddened, because it might not go beyond that. I totally feel like I'm not making sense right now, but in order to keep this safe, I must be cryptic.

Aside from this wierd feeling of victory and defeat all at once, I had a great day. Productive in a very fun way. I really appreciated today, for the pottery, for the SNES, for night jams. It was good times, but I just felt I needed to say something out of the ordinary... and this was definitely the time to do it.