The Height of my Insanity

Clearly... T-Shirt slogans are on the bottom of the list of things that worry me about my upcoming future. Needless to say, I've been throwing around some ideas of funny t-shirts that I could rock for school. But obviously, this is not what I'm gonna talk about. Throughout the course of this blog thing I've reviewed movies, comics, and games. Sometimes I would go onto a tangent, but I have never gotten truly personal. I don't plan to. My thoughts are dark. However, I will take you to the edge. Consider yourself warned. Yesterday I had the twisted pleasure of watching American Psycho. I hated it. It was brilliant to those who pretended to get it or got some satisfaction from being inside the mind of a pyschopath. Granted, the acting was great and the atmosphere of the movie was on key. However, in terms of subject matter the movie was clinically insane. Now considering my hate for movies of late, I came to the conclusion that this movie speaks about humanity and that's why I hate it. There are people who think like Patrick Bateman (the main character brilliantly played by our billionaire superhero... Christian Bale) and there are those who share his insanity in different forms. I hate this movie, because I hate my own insanity. I see darkness in my insanity and therefore I want to remove myself from it completely. It's a movie that's sick... good, but sick.

The Insanity of Thought. In the course of yesterday alone I have dreaded the very things I think about it. Thankfully, my mind doesn't take me to murder, or rape, or anything else truly disturbing. I'm happy I'm squimish and even more happy the blood disgusts me. I couldn't be a doctor. Also thankfully, I hate dishonesty, greed, and cheating... I couldn't be a lawyer. My problem is I think too much of things that probably won't matter. I could not believe this last week my 5'4" stature was bothering me. I could hardly believe thoughts of marriage pierced me every single time I've heard that someone else was not having the ideal marriage. Thoughts of what religion really was boggled my mind, even though I had a clear cut idea of what it was. Manipulation is man's worst enemy. The (d)evil is manipulation. So what's right? I can only hope time will tell. And this hope comes from my trust in the truth, and my faith in God. So where does my insanity leave me... obsessed with love. I am in love in with the very entity of love, because somewhere deep down I fear I may never truly experience it. This is insane. To think this, is lunacy. And yet I do, and that's why I hate my insanity. It takes my thoughts to places that demoralize my values. Do I feel loved? Absolutely. Do I feel passion? Not quite. Where do I go from here? The same place I've been: the road of patience.