Premise of the Insane

Upon entering the digital space I fell victim to the typical. I would surf here and there, reply to a couple of emails, ignore the wretched facebook wall messages, while secretly looking through the pictures as if it were the perfect guilty pleasure. And this is the typical regardless of what is happening. Even being drawn to playing the twisted game Persona 3 24/7, I manage time to come back here as if it were some sanctuary. Then it hit me. I come back here, and anxiously stare at my phone because I miss my friends.

Well, what better way to vent than to vent to the whole wide world. As I sit here with guests I don't care about and torture them with my newly downloaded music on the PS3, I feel compelled to tell the world something. But honestly, the world is not ready. Mainly because, I am not ready. I don't want to tell you that my dreams of love have faded slightly as I sit here day after day ignoring my responsibilities.

Those responsibilities are quite simple. Finish the preview book. Draw some pictures. Yet, every time I wake up I hope to find a text message, an email, a voicemail, mail... anything. I feel quite detached from this world. It doesn't help that I'm playing a game that is all about relationships. My nights are getting longer and longer, and the days get shorter. I'm slipping into the world of a true hermit. The scary part is, I don't mind. I hate responsibility. I've been responsible too often. I want to be careless. I want to be carefree.

Yet, if I enjoy it, why do I always look for the existence of the people around me. In my cyclical madness, maybe I just want to be alone with everyone there. I want to be in a room, like this, where I am in my own world. There are people here, they are in their own world, but we're together.

Maybe I'm just bored.